Paint With the Color of Pain

This poem is really late. I wrote it early this year and then "let it sit." But I came back to it today and it actually convicted me. So, on that note, here you go--

Paint with the Color of Pain
(Written for Bethany Rose, anyone who needs it, and for myself)

So brittle 

I might break.

What's it like 

not to ache?

Pushed it too far--

my mistake.

This smile

is getting

hard
to fake.

I ask the inevitable, 

dear Lord, why me?

I look down the long road.

I'm so weary.

It's part of Your plan,

but did it have to be?

My pain and confusion 

are all I can see.

So strange

how short my memory.

My wish for change

gets the best of me.

To not feel pain--

how glad I'd be!

But I'd forget that

once I was freed.

The rose is perfect,

the shape of grace

and heavenly peace

upon its face.

But see the color,

the brightest red

like the living blood

our Savior bled.

The color of both

joy and sorrow

--scarlett--

it chases the sunset

and

heralds tomorrow.

The trials are ugly

because you stand too close:

step back,

they're the spiraling petals

that form the rose.

This is meant to make you look

in the right direction,

so that His plan

and your purpose

won't escape your detection.

Do you want your life to be
built on a cloud
 that shifts more than sand,
 is a fast-fading pink?
 That deep, bright, bold red speaks
clear and loud:
 it spells "suffered but saved"
in permanent ink.

So remember the heartbreaking
 beauty
your life will retain
when He chooses
 to paint
with the color 
of pain.

This is the Real World

This is the real world

where thunder reels the world.

The wild wind steals the world.

The huge sky fits the world.

The lightning splits the world.

The ocean tips the world.

The earthquake rips the world.

The mountains top the world

And wartime rocks the world.

But they can't burn the world

'cause God's hand turns the world.

And it won't end 'till he wants it to.

Even so...come, Lord Jesus, come.

As beautiful as earth can be,

the better world needs not the sun.

Only the Son.

Come Further Up. Come Further In.

(Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of a hotel pool, so just pretend that this is one.)

It was about a ten years ago when a typical hotel pool seemed enormous to me. I was playing in the water with some new friends.We were ducking under the surface to retrieve the weighted toys (colored and easy to spot above water) that had sunk to the bottom. I shut my eyes and pinched my nose to keep the water out each time I went under. So, I searched blind and with one hand. Not the best system. Still, I found the challenge fun and would doggedly pursue any available target, although I was met with limited success. I was honestly much worse at the sport than anyone else. My swimming abilities were quite limited...

I couldn't swim. I transversed the pool by dragging myself along the side.

My mistake was in taking it to far.

I went to the deep end. Eyes squeezed shut, I pushed down under the chlorinated liquid by the number that marked in feet the water's depth...or height, and it was far higher than I was tall. But I didn't look at the warning. I tried to push myself down even further. I still couldn't reach my goal, the weight at the bottom. The pool floor was too far below me, so I would never be able to locate it by touch when I couldn't even reach it! I let go of the side, and the hand that had gripped it disappeared under the water. 

Submerged and lost in darkness, I had lost all physical contact with anything but the sense of the water surrounding me. It took only a few moments for me to realize that I'd had enough of the feeling. The water was too deep. My own lungs, the only oxygen tank I had, sounded a deafening alarm in my head. My brain sent the warning signal to every nerve in my body. Low air. The determination to reach the bottom instantly reversed into a desperate need to resurface and breathe. 


I had to get up and out. The only trouble was that I had somehow brilliantly lost where up was. I was flailing underwater for something to catch hold of, a point of reference, a means of deliverance, something to pull myself up by. But my blind bumps in the dark against hard surfaces did nothing to give me direction. They only served to further confuse me. The edge of the pool which I had sunk below was too far away from me now. I was impossibly stuck. I couldn't see, and I couldn't open my eyes. As young as I was I knew. I remember thinking it. I can't get back up. Help, please help me! I'M DROWNING!


I honestly don't know how long it lasted. It doesn't take long to panic. And when your panicing it's like time stops in an eternity of knowing that there's no time left.

I don't need to tell you how I felt when someone grabbed me and pulled me up and into the light. 

Of course, the first thing I did was breathe.
Gasp.
Choke for air.
I could barely thank the older girl who had saved me. She was just another kid like me except she had been safe and I  had been in danger. She had seen that I was in trouble and she acted. She showed me the right way to go.

I can't remember what happened afterward. I remember three things in this order: my mistake, my terror, and my extreme relief. 

Foolish. Desiring. Distracted. 

Lost. Doomed. Blind.

Found. Saved. Seeing.

In the final book of the Chronicles of Narnia, the survivors of the Last Battle find themselves in Aslan's country. The mysterious yet thrilling cry "Further up and further in!" is repeated throughout the company. They all run as if flying, and when they finally reach the tumultuous water at the end, they plunge forward with a power not their own, shoot straight up the gigantic waterfall and find themselves at last at the golden gateway. (Here's a song based on that story. )

God and Man: The Story

 MAN

                                         

 Breakers of rules

Scoffing the wise

Ungrateful fools

Makers of lies

Angry

Deceptive

And

Willfully blind

Helplessly

Hopelessly

Lost

Mankind

     

GOD

                         

The Infinite Being

Who numbered our days

Glorious Father

Most worthy of praise 

He knows every thought

That’s entered your mind

He’s unendingly wise

And

 Immeasurably kind 

The Lord of the Earth

Of whom Angels sing

Everlasting Word

And

Heavenly King

He gave speed to the fleet deer

Brute strength to the ox

Flight to the eagle

And

Cunning to the fox 

Blessed Creator 

Unblemished Lamb

Most Powerful

All-knowing 

The Holy

I AM

The Story

  The gulf between God and man 
was immeasurably wide;

It had been deepened by hate 
and lengthened by pride.

   That dark abyss- which men themselves had dug- forever denied   

their privilege to walk with God
and be at His side.

They could never bridge the gap
 no matter how hard they tried.

So man, whose life 
is like but a breath

and who’s sea of transgression 
had him inevitably doomed 

was justly condemned 
to an eternal death

and be by hell fire 
forever consumed. 

But God, whose eternal goodness 
is unendingly wide,

and whose forgiveness is far stronger 
than all of man’s pride,

loved the world so greatly 
that He gave up His only Son

to live perfectly the life of man 
and then to be the One

to pay the thing which men could not: 
their own sin’s costly price.

He gave up His life upon a cross 
as the ultimate sacrifice 

   The temple curtain was torn in two, 
and the day became like night.

The sun was lost in darkness, 
and nowhere was there light.

The earth was shaken violently, 
and mighty boulders broke.

Nearby the graves were opened,
and the dead within awoke.

In the cool of a sealed and guarded tomb 
His lifeless body lay.

All hope seemed lost, His friends despaired, 
then dawned that third and glorious day 

when Christ arose-no longer dead-
with majesty unveiled...

Death is dead and sin is crushed--
He fought both and prevailed!

He then ascended into heaven 
and sat down at God’s right hand.

 So all who live for worldly pleasures
 have built their lives on shifting sand.

For their pursuits are for a moment,
 and with their riches they will fade.

But all who follow Christ will live, 
for, with His love, they are remade.

A Greater Cause

Every Little Thing

Every little thing I do

Is the serving of a greater cause

Whether it’s the fueling of a fruitless feud

Or furthering the work of God.

Now isn’t it odd

That it’s the big things we focus on

When we know the larger matters are founded

On the smaller stuff they’re built upon.

Do you really know where you need to go?

Do you see the smaller things in working harmony?

Do you perceive all of the parts that fit just right

and move together to form your life?

And just how much were you shown of

the greater plan you did not write? 

What is this that you would change?

And, by contrast, look at things that have passed:

See how the greater things become small

Compared to him who is Lord over them all,

Who knows the future as well as the past,

And all of the things that will truly last. 

With whom and what do you exchange?

It hurts to stretch, stretch, stretch

My soul

In places I don’t want to admit exist.

 I don’t want to acknowledge

The hole

That is still there

When I’m making money hand over fist,

or when I’m on top of the world
thinking I'm the one in control.
In essence,

when I have my way

I plan the day

and throw it away,

and then

I get up

and do it again

without thinking about my story’s end.

But it isn’t as far off as it would seem,

and I don’t have as much power as I would deem.
It's all pretend.

Every little thing I do

is the serving of a greater cause

whether it’s the fueling of a fruitless feud

or furthering the work of God.

Get a handle on your dreams,

make your priorities the ones that last.

no matter how busy life seems,

don’t forget the bigger picture

because you’re kind of in it.

You’ve been appointed an eternal life:

wake up, shake off the dust,

begin it.

The Influences of Books

My first original speech.

Why do you read fiction? Some of the reasons could be for entertainment, relaxation, to de-stress, or just to take a break.

But can your favorite fictional character have any effect on your decidedly un-fictional self? Is a mere story able to reach beyond simple amusement and touch your day to day life? I think that it can. What's more, I think that it does.

The purpose of this speech is to show how an author's writing is influenced, how the author's writing can in turn influence you, and how you should respond to this.

One question to ask while reading a book is: "Why did the author write this?" it's a simple question; the answer might not be.

I. What influences an author to write what he or she does?

A. The author's experiences:

Charlotte Bronte, though a talented author, had a very dismal style of writing. When I read her book, Jane Eyre, I felt as if there was a constant storm cloud hanging over the story, getting heavier and darker with every description. The book is an interesting, well-written classic, but you can't read it and not ask the question...why? Why would anybody write about such depressing things?

The answer: Charlotte Bronte had a pretty depressing life. When Charlotte was only about five years old, her mother died. When she was nine, Charlotte's two older sisters, Maria and Elizabeth, also passed away. At about thirty-two, she lost her siblings, Patrick and Emily. They were followed just a few months later by Anne, the youngest of the Bronte children, leaving Charlotte alone to care for her ailing father as his last surviving child.

Charlotte's writing was heavily influenced by what she experienced, and she experienced much death.

Another thing that can have an effect on the way that an author writes is another person, or persons plural.

B. A key character in an author's life that either been a positive influence, a negative influence, or a blend of the two.

The well-known comic strip, Family Circus, is a hilarious portrayal of household life. Bil Keane, the original author of the cartoon, based the characters Bil and Thelma, along with their children Billy, Dolly, Jeffrey, and P.J. on himself and his family.

The comic's main source of humor comes from the things the children do and say such as Jeffery innocently requesting his father to re-inflate his popped balloon, or Billy asking with a running hose in hand whether the car windows should be up or down when they are washing it.

The kid's funny comments and alarming questions are not only amusingly realistic but also show just how close the author is to his children.

An author can't stay completely unaffected by his or her experiences. If that's true, then it would also be fair to state that we ourselves cannot remain wholly unaffected by the things that we read. 

II How can the author's writing influence you?

A. What you read offers new opinions and ideas and can affect the way that you think about something.

You don't necessarily need to believe that what you're reading is true or right for it to have an effect on your thinking. Just because you know that a thing is wrong does not mean that you are less likely to think about it, in fact, it'll probably increase the chance of it popping up in you head later on.

The more that you are exposed to something, the more likely you'll shrug it off as the norm. Just because something's "normal" doesn't mean that it's right. Good things usually aren't as "normal" as bad things are.

If you were to read a book that involves a lot of violence, inappropriate language, or even a child with a negative attitude, it could have an effect on the way you think and desensitize the way that you feel about an issue that would normally bother you.

Eventually, this can get to the point where it completely changes the way that you believe about something.

So, what you read can influence the way that you think, affect your beliefs, and, finally, it can change your behavior.

C. What you read can change the way that you speak, act, or respond to a situation.

One of my friends likes reading comics, and one of her favorite comic books was about a six-year-old boy with spiky, blond hair, whose best friend in the whole wide world is his stuffed tiger. It's called: Calvin and Hobbs.

While Calvin's a pretty funny little guy, he's got one big problem: he's incredibly naughty. He goes back in forth between being a little boy who wants to ride his tricycle on the roof and would love to have a flame thrower to an evil mastermind up to no good.

Well, after those comics had been out for a while my friend's mom noticed a change in my friend's attitude. My friend started to think just a little bit like Calvin. Then she started making humorous but extremely sarcastic remarks. It was decided that what can be funny in a book, is not so funny in real life. Calvin and Hobbs went back on the shelf, and his vulgar humor went with him.

So, how do we filter what we read? First, know the author's worldview.

III Your response:

A. Know what the author's worldview is.

An author's thoughts, ideas, and beliefs about life direct his or her pen and are captured in black and white on sheets of paper. If you know what the author's worldview is, you will have an idea of what to expect in the book that you're reading. You are able to ask and then answer the question 'why did the author write this?'

When you are familiar with the author's beliefs you will be able to identify more easily where they come into play in the story, and then you can ask yourself whether or not it's right instead of just absorbing the entire thing with your mind open and your guard down. 

B. Next, figure out the message of the book.

What is the author trying to say in the story? What are the points the author is trying to make? Again, it can be easier to figure out what the author's trying to say if you know the underlying beliefs informing the message.

C. Finally, decide whether or not you should continue reading the book.

Determine if what the author's saying is right or wrong. Does the author appear to have a biblical worldview? That could be an important question to ask. Is the overall message of the book good of bad?

Is the content of the book righteous or unrighteous? Does anything in it disturb you? If the language or conduct in the story strikes you as inappropriate, you should seriously consider putting the book down for good.

During the past few minutes, we've seen (1) how an author's writing can be influenced, (2) how the author's writing can have an effect on you and (3) your response.

So the next time you pick up a fictional book, whether you're just starting it for the first time or the twentieth, I want you to read it with the understanding that it isn't just an 'entertaining story', but that it contains the threads of someone else's worldview which can become interwoven, consciously or unconsciously, into the pattern of your own life.

God: Praise Him!!!

          God: a series about our Lord meant to encourage.

             God,

                                            You made everything--
                                                                                                    You need nothing
                                                                                                                                                  I can give...
                     
                                             nothing
                                                                                         at all.




        If I were to praise You
                                                   
                                    every moment
                                                         
                                                                                                in every minute
                                                                                                         in every hour
 
                                                                                                                                                                   of every day

     
   For the rest of my life,

                         

       It could never be enough!

And yet,You care,

Though I fall short of the mark.

You chose to suffer

and to pay

for me.

Marvelous Grace!! 

Live I Only?
 Live I only to serve You?

Live I only to praise?

Live I only to adore You,

And so sing for the rest of my days? 

Yes, for this end did You make me;

Yes, for this only was I made:

And those who are to be with You for eternity

Have all their joys and their hopes on You stayed.

You Were Made To Serve The Lord!

To the seeking child

She said to me

"I wanna be

like you,

you always seem to know

just what to do.

"I wanna way

of expression,

I wanna make

an impression,

I wanna way

for me to say

well, this is me-

what I'm s'posed to be!

"Only I can't see--

I feel restless,

nestless,

like I'm the only one

 who's on my own...

all alone.

Cause I don't know

who I am."

And the more I think of what she said to me, 
of how she didn't know who she was made to be.... 
although I don't quite know how, 
I feel I need to tell her now:
 cause I have this burden of grief 
that she can't find relief.

You were made

to serve the Lord!

And all You gotta do 

to start to know Him

is pick up His Word.

And I know you've heard this before,

cause He's thrown open the door

so many times!

And I know that this thought

can seem really far

from who and what we think we are,

but what you gotta do

is think little thoughts about you

and bigger thoughts about God.

That's what you were made for,

that is who you are!

You are here to serve a God

who is nearby and never far!

And though He doesn't need us,

(you just keep that in your mind!)

He still loves us deeply,

 for He's wonderfully kind!

That's what you were made for,

it is who you are!

You were made to praise Him,

and to serve Him.

And though we will never deserve Him,

that's just one more reason why

we'll lift His praise on high

and fill the sky

as much as it can hold:

for His justice,

and His compassion, 

for a grace that fills the world.

We praise Him for His righteous passion--

that He gave us this great gift of love.

And we praise Him 

for His mercy untold.

That is who you are.


~Bird's eye view~
Better perspective

The mighty birds,
the kings of the air--
the hawks, the eagles, and the falcons---
they soar up high,
pierce through blue sky;
then they streak down low
with their own winds blow.

Could creatures such as this
have come from nothing?
No!

I watch them:they fascinate me;
their majesty amazes me.
Awe and inspiration;
for the beauty, admiration.

They reflect their Creator.
He made them for His own pleasure,
and he shares it with us.

Man is the only (mortal) creature who can appreciate God's handiwork and glorify Him because of it.
And is that not what is intended?
Is that not what we were made for? 

A poem by a friend

 The following poem was written by a friend. I hope that you will be blessed by these beautiful words as I have been. Thanks to Mrs. Delich for giving me permission to post this.

Poem by Tracie Delich

A valley so deep

I can't see the end.

Where do I go?

On You I depend.

Storm clouds roll over me.

Where is the sun?

There is one Light now.

You are the One.

Give me the strength I need.

None is left in me.

You say that You love me.

Help me believe.

Humbled, so humbled

By all I can't do.

Blessed, so blessed

By all others do.

Learning to take

One day as it goes,

To count the small blessings

Instead of the woes.

I give You the glory

For getting me through.

The prayers of so many

Come daily to You.

God: Our Power In The Struggle.

God: a series about our Lord meant to encourage.

A Little Prayer
I ask for forgiveness, Jesus,

For one-time wrong

For clinging sin

And for filthy repetition.

Please don't let the evil win-

Teach me your holy song.

A Selfish Fear
I'm afraid

 I'm selfish.

I'm both selfish

and afraid:

for because of

 selfish thoughts,

a selfish fear 

is made.

Help me fight my selfish fear

and speak of You to all who'll hear.

(Even if they don't listen the first hundred times, or ever.)

Why? 

Why do I hold myself back from You

When nothing stands between us?

It is because I yet hold to my sin:

I don't want it to win, but oh!

So hard to let go!

Shall I come to You, yet hide?

Can I let You see inside?

Yet You're the only

One who can stay

My wrongest wants

and send them away!

Please take my evil desires,

Show me what they are!

As distant as the East is from the West,

You'll take my sin that far!

But whatever else You do,

Help me to always, only

hunger after You.

Let the only thing I crave

Be what You freely gave.



You Are

 I am faithless,
You are faithful.
You are caring,
I'm ungrateful.

I am greedy,
You are selfless.
You are a bounty,
I am wealthless.

You speak kindness,
my tongue is a lash.
You are perfection,
I made my life trash.

You stay,
I stray.
You are forever,
my goals fade away.

How strange, then,
that I should be drawn to You.
How strange.....
That You would want to draw me.

You are lovely,
You are pure:
anything good
needs You to endure.

You are holy,
I am filthy.
I am sickness
but
You make healthy. 

I forget
but
You remember,
Your love is green 
in my December.

How beautiful, then,
that You should make me
like You.
How plain it is that
it is You that I need.

You never needed me.
You bless me.