God: a series about our Lord meant to encourage.
A Little Prayer
I ask for forgiveness, Jesus,
For one-time wrong
For clinging sin
And for filthy repetition.
Please don't let the evil win-
Teach me your holy song.
A Selfish Fear
I'm afraid
I'm selfish.
I'm both selfish
and afraid:
for because of
selfish thoughts,
a selfish fear
is made.
Help me fight my selfish fear
and speak of You to all who'll hear.
(Even if they don't listen the first hundred times, or ever.)
Why?
Why do I hold myself back from You
When nothing stands between us?
It is because I yet hold to my sin:
I don't want it to win, but oh!
So hard to let go!
Shall I come to You, yet hide?
Can I let You see inside?
Yet You're the only
One who can stay
My wrongest wants
and send them away!
Please take my evil desires,
Show me what they are!
As distant as the East is from the West,
You'll take my sin that far!
But whatever else You do,
Help me to always, only
hunger after You.
Let the only thing I crave
Be what You freely gave.
You Are
I am faithless,
You are faithful.
You are caring,
I'm ungrateful.
I am greedy,
You are selfless.
You are a bounty,
I am wealthless.
You speak kindness,
my tongue is a lash.
You are perfection,
I made my life trash.
You stay,
I stray.
You are forever,
my goals fade away.
How strange, then,
that I should be drawn to You.
How strange.....
That You would want to draw me.
You are lovely,
You are pure:
anything good
needs You to endure.
You are holy,
I am filthy.
I am sickness
but
You make healthy.
I forget
but
You remember,
Your love is green
in my December.
How beautiful, then,
that You should make me
like You.
How plain it is that
it is You that I need.
You never needed me.
You bless me.
You Are
I am faithless,
You are faithful.
You are caring,
I'm ungrateful.
I am greedy,
You are selfless.
You are a bounty,
I am wealthless.
You speak kindness,
my tongue is a lash.
You are perfection,
I made my life trash.
You stay,
I stray.
You are forever,
my goals fade away.
How strange, then,
that I should be drawn to You.
How strange.....
That You would want to draw me.
You are lovely,
You are pure:
anything good
needs You to endure.
You are holy,
I am filthy.
I am sickness
but
You make healthy.
I forget
but
You remember,
Your love is green
in my December.
How beautiful, then,
that You should make me
like You.
How plain it is that
it is You that I need.
You never needed me.
You bless me.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. I've been feeling these emotions in a swirling, confused way.
ReplyDeleteIt is lovely, Michaela. Why? should be set to music.
Thank you very much!! :D I feel that way all too often, unfortunately, and I know it's my fault because I haven't been truly seeking after God. Writing prayers like that is so effective and inspiring! It is so much easier to brush off uncomfortable guilt, and be resistant to come before God with it, because I don't want to say I'm a sinner, and that I strayed off AGAIN, right?
DeleteI have to instead stop and force myself to focus on the fact that I HAVE sinned, so that repentance can be realized, because the act of ignoring sin IS sin and is also a death trap! (James 1:14-15) Repentance is a choice and not a flippant thought; it is the first and necessary step in becoming right with God, because repentance that isn't there can never be acted upon. The wishing to pretend that there is no real need for repentance is all the more reason and warning to ceaselessly strive after repentance that is real.
Okay, looong reply, but I have found that I need to write this sort of thing down, more really for me than for anyone else, because this is the only way that I can really meditate on it. I must be the most forgetful, featherbrained person I know, and writing is the only way I can really focus on anything I’m thinking about. I can't add to, expound upon, or even explore a thought or idea if I forget it immediately, which is exactly what I do as my mind drifts from it! I am so glad for writing!!! :) :) :)
As for your other comment, now that's an idea-- I might just have to do that eventually. I haven't had much luck in setting other works to music, though. There's one thing I wrote a while ago meant specifically to be a song, and 2 years later I still have a ton of rough spots and loose ends in the music!! There are a couple other things I’d like to put to music too, and somehow can’t seem to make myself work on them. Agh, oh well. By the way, thank you so much for proof-reading this post for me! Sorry for the much to long reply! (Who does this, anyway? I get a two-line comment and send back in 4-paragraph torture!)